Cell Phone Etiquette

"Hey, dip shit, nobody cares about your personal problems. Shut it!"

No, I wasn't able to say this to the annoying woman in the waiting room today (my wife was with me), but I definitely wanted to. The woman was carrying one of the most pointless conversations an ass bag can hold, and she was doing so in a crowded waiting room full of anxious parents in a children's hospital. Wrong place, wrong time. The problem I have is not so much with this one woman in particular; although, I'm not sure that explaining to Cindy that "Steve isn't allowed in the house until he stops drinking and smoking" is the conversation I would be having while my child is about to see a doctor about a serious issue. No, my problem is that inappropriate cell phone use is becoming an epidemic in our society. So much so that I find myself holding back from physically attacking said cell phone abusers on a daily basis.

Look, I have a cell phone. In fact, I have a fancy, popular cell phone; however, I like to think that I use my cell phone at very "appropriate" times only. As a result, I'd consider myself quite an expert on cell phone etiquette, so let's go over a few places where using a cell phone may be considered inappropriate.

First of all, I want to make clear that we are not discussing safety related issues, so using the phone while driving is a topic that is off-limits. We're talking about times in which one's cell phone usage is disrespectful to those in the near vicinity.

1. The aforementioned scenario certainly falls under the category of inappropriate. While sitting in a waiting room full of anxious parents, talking loudly on a cell phone is a less than stellar idea. Throw in the fact that the conversation was about preventing an alcoholic man back into the home of a woman and small child, and the scene is thrust into the W.T. zone. A zone within no bystander wants to be. This woman was clearly only thinking about herself, and was one of the most inconsiderate parents imaginable. Apparently she also has bad taste in men. Level of inappropriateness: Sucks.

2. Any time one pulls out a cell phone while paying for ANY product at ANY register, be it a store or a restaurant, that person should be hit in the head immediately with a monkey wrench. Unless, said individual is the King of Cambodia, the owner of the establishment, or Will Smith's character in Independence Day, he's not that important. The conversation can wait three minutes. Besides, it's probably just the customer's mom or wife asking him to pick something up on the way home-nobody wants to answer that call. Level of inappropriateness: Totally sucks.

3. I see a lot of people walk into offices and either continue conversations on their cell phones or start a conversation on their cell phones while being helped. This is stupid. Whether it's in the main office of a high school or the waiting room of a doctor's office, the employee behind the counter deserves to be treated with respect. Let's be honest, the (mostly) women working in these positions are probably the busiest, most stressed out, under paid employees in the joint; the last thing they want to deal with is some moron who can't hold off on a call while being helped. This inconsiderate buffoon sucks at life. Oh, and by the way, just because one uses a blue tooth doesn't make it any better, it just means the person is inconsiderate and a douche. Besides, that little microphone looks so dumb.. Level of inappropriateness: Super sucky.

4. Finally, the most disgusting habit performed by these Einstein's really takes the (urinal) cake. That's right. I'm talking about the bags of trash that talk on their cell phone while in public bathrooms (I'm not talking about at home; use the phone while on a personal shitter without a second thought). Now, I can understand the drunk guy who uses his phone in the bathroom while wasted at a bar- we all do stupid things when drinking. I'm talking about the ignorant fools who rest their $500 cell phones on their shoulders while standing over a public toilet. I mean, seriously? That conversation can't hold on until after one's body has released its toxins? I can't imagine the sense of disgust and disappointment one must feel when he inevitably loses his lifeline to a toilet. This is not the place for a phone conversation. Level of inappropriateness: Sucks ass.

It's pretty simple folks. There's a lack of common sense in this country, and it's clear when watching cell phone users. It's  a good thing I'm here to clear things up.

Later, idiots.

EI