Cell Phone Etiquette

"Hey, dip shit, nobody cares about your personal problems. Shut it!"

No, I wasn't able to say this to the annoying woman in the waiting room today (my wife was with me), but I definitely wanted to. The woman was carrying one of the most pointless conversations an ass bag can hold, and she was doing so in a crowded waiting room full of anxious parents in a children's hospital. Wrong place, wrong time. The problem I have is not so much with this one woman in particular; although, I'm not sure that explaining to Cindy that "Steve isn't allowed in the house until he stops drinking and smoking" is the conversation I would be having while my child is about to see a doctor about a serious issue. No, my problem is that inappropriate cell phone use is becoming an epidemic in our society. So much so that I find myself holding back from physically attacking said cell phone abusers on a daily basis.

Look, I have a cell phone. In fact, I have a fancy, popular cell phone; however, I like to think that I use my cell phone at very "appropriate" times only. As a result, I'd consider myself quite an expert on cell phone etiquette, so let's go over a few places where using a cell phone may be considered inappropriate.

First of all, I want to make clear that we are not discussing safety related issues, so using the phone while driving is a topic that is off-limits. We're talking about times in which one's cell phone usage is disrespectful to those in the near vicinity.

1. The aforementioned scenario certainly falls under the category of inappropriate. While sitting in a waiting room full of anxious parents, talking loudly on a cell phone is a less than stellar idea. Throw in the fact that the conversation was about preventing an alcoholic man back into the home of a woman and small child, and the scene is thrust into the W.T. zone. A zone within no bystander wants to be. This woman was clearly only thinking about herself, and was one of the most inconsiderate parents imaginable. Apparently she also has bad taste in men. Level of inappropriateness: Sucks.

2. Any time one pulls out a cell phone while paying for ANY product at ANY register, be it a store or a restaurant, that person should be hit in the head immediately with a monkey wrench. Unless, said individual is the King of Cambodia, the owner of the establishment, or Will Smith's character in Independence Day, he's not that important. The conversation can wait three minutes. Besides, it's probably just the customer's mom or wife asking him to pick something up on the way home-nobody wants to answer that call. Level of inappropriateness: Totally sucks.

3. I see a lot of people walk into offices and either continue conversations on their cell phones or start a conversation on their cell phones while being helped. This is stupid. Whether it's in the main office of a high school or the waiting room of a doctor's office, the employee behind the counter deserves to be treated with respect. Let's be honest, the (mostly) women working in these positions are probably the busiest, most stressed out, under paid employees in the joint; the last thing they want to deal with is some moron who can't hold off on a call while being helped. This inconsiderate buffoon sucks at life. Oh, and by the way, just because one uses a blue tooth doesn't make it any better, it just means the person is inconsiderate and a douche. Besides, that little microphone looks so dumb.. Level of inappropriateness: Super sucky.

4. Finally, the most disgusting habit performed by these Einstein's really takes the (urinal) cake. That's right. I'm talking about the bags of trash that talk on their cell phone while in public bathrooms (I'm not talking about at home; use the phone while on a personal shitter without a second thought). Now, I can understand the drunk guy who uses his phone in the bathroom while wasted at a bar- we all do stupid things when drinking. I'm talking about the ignorant fools who rest their $500 cell phones on their shoulders while standing over a public toilet. I mean, seriously? That conversation can't hold on until after one's body has released its toxins? I can't imagine the sense of disgust and disappointment one must feel when he inevitably loses his lifeline to a toilet. This is not the place for a phone conversation. Level of inappropriateness: Sucks ass.

It's pretty simple folks. There's a lack of common sense in this country, and it's clear when watching cell phone users. It's  a good thing I'm here to clear things up.

Later, idiots.

EI

Welcome to 2013! It’s only been about two years since I’ve posted on this blog, so I’m practically writing to no one, at this point. But, I’ve had a strong urge to start complaining publicly again, so here I am. Spread the word. Tell the masses, but tell them slowly so they understand. The Everyday Idiot is back! OK, stop cheering and read: I’m fed up with these people that post comments online. They’re complete morons, for the most part, and they represent the dumbest of the dumb in America. So, let’s attack.

 It’s important to note that I’m not talking about those individuals that leave comments on social networks, or the people that post status updates every twelve seconds. While those people can be equally annoying, at least they are using a portal that was designed for such transmissions. I’m talking about the simple-minded retirees, jobless folks, desk jockey’s, and/or individuals with jobs that require them to do nothing all day, who feel it is their duty to leave a simple-minded comment on every online news story. I cannot possibly create a comprehensive post that entails all of my issues with these people, so I will explain only a few of my main problems.

     Problem # .5: I labeled this problem .5 because I'm only going to mention it. Writing an entire paragraph on this issue might give me a coronary, or I might end up breaking my computer. I like my computer. I'll just say that these morons are usually writing about something completely off-topic, or they will take something completely out of context and try to hammer a point that has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Ex: A kid steals candy from a baby on his way home from school, the comment board troll starts hammering the schools for not teaching the kids that stealing is wrong. Not the issue here, sir. Stop it.
     Problem # 1: These people cannot create a proper argument to save their lives. Look, I’m not saying that every human being needs to have courtroom worthy arguments at all time, but for God’s sake, could these people at least be able to support their arguments with some sort of factual information? I can’t count how many times I’ve read someone’s bulletin board comment where they develop some uber-aggressive conspiracy that lacks any factual information whatsoever, and if anyone challenges them with a sufficient argument, the response is typically some sort of insult-laden, name-calling episode. I’m all about name-calling; it’s one of my favorite things to do. But, at least be able to support your claim while blasting epithets at people. Don’t resort to a “grown-up” version of the Dozens.
      Problem #2: These people can’t write a coherent statement to save their lives. Come on, folks. Is writing standard English in a coherent way really that much of a lost art? I’m not saying I’m the greatest writer, nor do I always use perfect grammar, but these people can barely throw together more than two words in a sentence that has any substance. I guess this skill deficit should be expected considering the arguments suggest a lack of education; however, even the least educated of citizens should still be able to place words next to each other in a way that makes sense.
      Problem #3: These people, apparently, have nothing good to offer society. This may be the biggest problem I have with these internet trolls. I mean, do this many people really not have jobs? How is it that so many comments, posts, and responses can take place throughout the course of a work day? There can’t be that many stay-at-home moms and dads. This leads me to only a couple of conclusions: 1) the majority of these “geniuses” who think they are qualified enough to judge and critique the thoughts and works of others are not even qualified enough to work a day job, or 2) too many people work meaningless jobs that require little to no attention, so little that the workers can spend the day surfing the internet making ignorant comments. If the former is the case, then I guess the job crisis in America is worse than I thought. Obviously, there are plenty of people with something to say and plenty of time, so perhaps we should be creating work for them. If the latter is the case, then I suppose I am extremely jealous. I work a job that many have criticized in the last few years, yet my job requires 100% attention for almost my entire workday.
      Regardless of the reasons for which these people have the time to spew uninformed, irrelevant information upon the casual internet user, one thing is for sure: this behavior lands this portion of society on the top of Idiot Mountain. There’s nothing more absurd than reading a battle of “wits” on a bulletin board between two idiot Americans, and quite frankly, it makes me fear for the future of our country.

      Oh, well. I suppose I take the time to read these interactions, so perhaps I’m the only true idiot here. 

      Peace out, for now, idiots.