Cable Companies

OK, I’m fired up. Is there anything worse in our consumer-driven society than cable companies and/or TV networks? I mean, come on, these things must have been created by Lucifer himself. Other than, perhaps, cell phone companies, there aren’t too many businesses that can get away with completely screwing up, not delivering a product at times, and then still over charging you for that product no matter what. Confused? I’ll explain:

A very short time ago my cable went out. It was a Sunday, and anyone who knows me personally knows that Sunday is TV day for me. I start off the day with a recap of the week’s sports on SportsCenter, and then I proceed to watch copious amounts of NFL football. By the end of the day, my wife and I are glued to the Sunday night lineup on HBO. Now, other than the HBO, these Sunday programs are live, thus I cannot watch them in real time EVER again. Missing these programs means my whole day is ruined, in terms of TV watching. Now, I understand that I can go outside and find something productive to do. Additionally, I realize that I could be using that time to read a book, or grade papers; but, filling the time void is not the point of my frustration. Instead, I get angry because not only did I set aside that time for TV viewing, but I PAY A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR MY CABLE!

So, thinking logically, I call my cable company to get some answers as to why my cable isn’t working. Being a Sunday, it takes me about 30 painful minutes of pressing countless buttons; listening to every direction in Spanish first, then English; transferring from sales to customer service; and then finally listening to terrible music, which is occasionally interrupted by a spoken ad that happens to be 10 decibels louder than the music, while I hold for the next available representative. Eventually, I finally reach Beelzebub on the other line and I state my problem:

“Hi, Beelzebub. My cable seems to be out. Is there anything I can do to fix this?”

“Hmm, let me see. What area do you live in?”

I tell her.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. We have some reported outages in that area,” she responds as if it is no big deal and a burden for her to look it up.

“OK. Is it going to be fixed?”

“Well, sir, it’s Sunday, so there’s a chance that they won’t get to it until tomorrow.”

I know it’s Sunday, bitch; that’s why I’m pissed – I think this.

“Really? So, you’re telling me I have no TV for today?”

“Well, no cable.”

I’m gonna break your face, smart ass. – Again, I think this.

“And this is supposed to be OK?”

“They’re going to try their best, sir.”

“OK. Well, I guess there’s nothing I can do. But, is there going to be some sort of compensation for this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, am I going to have a discounted bill or maybe a free station for a few days?”

She giggles, “not that I know of.”

“Well, that doesn’t seem fair. If I had an emergency and had to withhold my bill for a few days, I would have a penalty wouldn’t I?”

“Probably, but that’s just not how it works, sir.”

Now, I’m going to stop right there, because this is the line that really bothers me. Why isn’t that the way it works? I mean, I pay well over one hundred dollars for my digital cable lineup (complete with HD, DVR, and HBO). So, why shouldn’t I be entitled to some level of compensation when the cable company has a problem? Like I told Beelzebub, I would have to pay if it were my mistake. Instead, I’m forced to jump hoop after hoop just to another human who acts like I’m the one who has made a mistake the entire time we chat.

This scenario is one that drives me nuts. I had a similar encounter with my phone company once, as well, when my texting capabilities went out for a few days. And again, I bargained for some sort of restitution from the company, but it was all to no avail. I had lost out to the man again.

Needless to say, I hate Lucifer and his disciples known as cable company employees. One day I will no longer be held back by the constraints of the fat rich men who own these companies. Until then, I guess I’ll just keep bitching.

Idiots.