Truck Nuts

Do you ever sit and wonder what the world would be like without guys who drive trucks with “truck nuts.” It’d be fucking brilliant, right? I mean, let’s think about this for a minute: These nozzles seriously think it’s a) funny, and b) cool, to hang an oversized pair of nuts from their truck’s hitch so that it looks like it has testicles. That’s fucking stupid; really stupid. Does one really think that his truck is manlier because it appears to have sperm producing appendages that merely serve an aesthetic purpose? Come on, guy. Stop it.
I guess it’s not so much the actual “nuts” hanging from the hitch that bothers me; rather, it’s the fact that all of the DBs driving these trucks look, act, sound, and seem positively the same: Shaved head? Check; dirty T, or no shirt? Check; Smokes? Check; NASCAR lover? Double-check. It’s as if some new, hillbilly god decided to start creating a race of men specifically devoted to looking like assholes.
Another confounding aspect of this inferior human’s life is the fact that he drives like he was instructed by a drunk, blind man. Sometimes I can’t tell whether or not he is really driving like shit just to be an asshole to all of the other cars around him, or if he simply can’t handle the power that his manly (according to the nuts) truck possesses. Either way, I have to hold back from tomahawking a crowbar through his window every time I am near one of these fools.
I apologize if you are someone who operates one of these macho machines; I’m sure you are a fine human being who doesn’t fit any of the aforementioned categories. I guess I just don’t understand the fascination with this practice. I don’t see any chicks throwing “bumper boobies” on their Grand-Ams. Nor do I find myself compelled to add a hood ornament that spits multiple fluids on the car in front of me four times per day.
Truck nuts are stupid, and truck nut drivers are idiots.