Truck Nuts

Do you ever sit and wonder what the world would be like without guys who drive trucks with “truck nuts.” It’d be fucking brilliant, right? I mean, let’s think about this for a minute: These nozzles seriously think it’s a) funny, and b) cool, to hang an oversized pair of nuts from their truck’s hitch so that it looks like it has testicles. That’s fucking stupid; really stupid. Does one really think that his truck is manlier because it appears to have sperm producing appendages that merely serve an aesthetic purpose? Come on, guy. Stop it.
I guess it’s not so much the actual “nuts” hanging from the hitch that bothers me; rather, it’s the fact that all of the DBs driving these trucks look, act, sound, and seem positively the same: Shaved head? Check; dirty T, or no shirt? Check; Smokes? Check; NASCAR lover? Double-check. It’s as if some new, hillbilly god decided to start creating a race of men specifically devoted to looking like assholes.
Another confounding aspect of this inferior human’s life is the fact that he drives like he was instructed by a drunk, blind man. Sometimes I can’t tell whether or not he is really driving like shit just to be an asshole to all of the other cars around him, or if he simply can’t handle the power that his manly (according to the nuts) truck possesses. Either way, I have to hold back from tomahawking a crowbar through his window every time I am near one of these fools.
I apologize if you are someone who operates one of these macho machines; I’m sure you are a fine human being who doesn’t fit any of the aforementioned categories. I guess I just don’t understand the fascination with this practice. I don’t see any chicks throwing “bumper boobies” on their Grand-Ams. Nor do I find myself compelled to add a hood ornament that spits multiple fluids on the car in front of me four times per day.
Truck nuts are stupid, and truck nut drivers are idiots.

The Non-Yielder

Oh, boy. Today's idiot is one that I have been angry with for some time. This is the guy, who in spite of the yield sign, always, always, always, continues to drive on the service drive when I am speeding off of the exit ramp on the highway.

Let me explain:

In Michigan, we have many service drive streets that run parallel to the expressway. At most exit ramps, there will be a yield sign for the driver on the service drive. Now, the purpose of this sign is two fold: to warn the service drive user that there is an exit ramp that might contain traffic from the expressway, and to tell the driver on the service drive to F'ING STOP if that possible traffic is indeed present!

However, every morning when I get off of the exit ramp to take the side street into work, some jackbag-"The Non-Yielder"- always blows through the large, bright, reflective YIELD sign that warns him of the merging traffic. Now, does it always cause a disturbance? No. And certainly I have been guilty of this crime in the past. But, on snowy days-like many in Michigan during the winter- The Non-Yielder can cause some serious issues.

Take last week for example, we got some awful weather in the Detroit area, and the road conditions were extremely icy. As I worked my way up the ramp at my exit, I looked to the right and saw a big truck- I immediately knew that this was a Non-Yielder. I'll get into how in a later post. But, nonetheless, this douche blew right through the sign, and not only continued on the service drive, but he actually got over into my lane without using his indicator. My initial thought was of course to flip him off, and slam on my horn. The only problem was that I couldn't, I was F'ing sliding sideways after having to slam on my brakes. So, here I am, sliding on the service drive, fearing that I might slide down the embankment and back onto the expressway, and this turd continues on his way and turns down MY street-son of a bitch.

Folks, yield at the damn yield signs. Otherwise, one of these days I'm going to speed up, slam into your stupid SUV, and blame the whole incident on your inability to read a damn sign-the police will surely side with me; they hate you too.

everydayidiot@gmail.com