15 Items or Less

Wow, it’s been a while since I last posted. But in that time period, I’ve run across a number of idiots in my everyday life; here’s one that really got under my skin:

Last week I noticed that my fridge was looking a little bare, and I didn’t really know what I was going to eat for dinner. My solution: make a nice trip to my favorite Kroger. Now, I could probably write a blog every single time I go into Kroger, because there is always bound to be some absolute idiot that is shopping at the same time as I. On this particular day, there were multiple idiots.

The idiot that bothered me the most, however, was the guy who thought he would step into the “Fast Lane” with about $300 worth of groceries. Literally, $300 worth; I heard his total. Now, I’m not fucking perfect, nor do I claim to be. But, any imbecile with half a brain knows that you don’t enter the 15 item fast lane with $300 worth of groceries. You just don’t do it.

What’s almost worse is that the cashier didn’t think twice about the 45 items the man had in his cart. He just looked at the cart, looked at the man, and started ringing. I found myself wondering why this cashier didn’t take pride in his lane. I mean, you’re the fast lane, the quick check-out. You’re better than every other cashier in this joint, and everybody likes your lane the best. It’s almost like the fast lane cashier is the cop that gets to drive the Dodge Charger; all of the other lanes are the bike cops. Yet, this cashier, now completely suspect of douch baggery, let the man line up all 45 items to be scanned.

I can’t explain how pissed I was. Every other lane was completely filled with old women, hands full of coupons, ready to complain. And this guy took my fast lane, my road to a quick shopping experience, and hence, ruined my day.

Thus, I was either forced to wait an extra 7 minutes that I didn’t want to wait, or leave the store empty handed. I chose the latter, and ate Subway instead. I only had six items, by the way.

everydayidiot@gmail.com

The wrong side of the aisle...

This one’s been bugging me for a long time. Luckily for me, my wife does most of the grocery shopping in our home. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t make it out of the store without a set of cuffs slapped onto my wrists. You see, there are many types of shoppers that piss me off. Some of them I can just fluff aside, and be on with my day. Others, however, deserve to be slapped, kicked, punched, and unnecessarily dragged throughout the store by their hair for all to see; similar to a champion buck hunter who proudly displays his kill. I like to call this particular shopper: The Wrong Side of the Aisle guy.

Living in the United States presents one the opportunity to live as freely as possible without causing harm to others. However, we still have our rules, and they should be carried out in a fashion that carries over into many avenues of life. For example, it’s illegal to just sit in the middle of a road. Obviously, this is for safety reasons, but it’s also to avoid being a pain in the ass that people have to avoid while driving. Similarly, we see this law carry over into the everyday social graces that are expected in something, like say, a shopping mall. No one sits down in the middle of a mall floor, and if they do, they are usually punished by a security guard, or sometimes a swift kick to the dome. However, for some reason, not all of these rules seem to carry over. In particular, the rule that we drive on the right side of the road, does not often translate into our everyday behavior.

I’ll use the grocery store to illustrate my point, but there are many other situations where this may apply: walking down the sidewalk, walking in the mall, and walking in the halls of a school. The grocery store, however, is the worst case scenario for me. Let me set the scene:

There I am walking down the aisle of my beloved Kroger store. I’m walking on the right side of the aisle, pushing my cart, looking at the shelves intently for my favorite canned food-Hormel Chili. As I approach the midway point in the aisle, I barely see a woman in the corner of my peripheral and I slam on the brakes just before bumping carts. Whoa, I think to myself, that was close. However, the woman has no regard for the fact that SHE almost caused a run-in with me. Instead, she babbles the words, “You betta whatcho self.”

Now, imagine you’re me. According to the rules of the road, we are to travel on the right side of the highway. Thus, common sense would inform us that we should probably walk on the right side of the aisle. After all, this is America. Yet, this woman finds me at fault for a near detrimental (she had a glass jar of pasta sauce balancing on top of her cart) accident, that could have been avoided had she been on the proper side of the aisle. Not only that, but she shoots me some sort of shopper’s warning about watching myself, leaving me to infer that if I don’t, she made do something drastic-like throw her pasta sauce at me.

My point is, if we take the time to use a little f’ing common sense, we would realize that applying known rules to relatively similar situations will ultimately make a better everyday experience. I shouldn’t have to get pissed when I go to Kroger. It’s a bright, noisy, fun-loving store with ridiculous deals on bacon. The last thing I want to do is watch myself because some ignoramus doesn’t know how to apply the rules of common courtesy.

everydayidiot@gmail.com