Excuse me, sir? Can I ask you a question?
I know: it’s been forever since I’ve written. Truth is, I’ve been pretty happy lately; that was until I went to the mall yesterday afternoon. Let me tell you about the most annoying assholes in the world: the “Dead Sea Salt” kiosk workers.
If you’ve been to virtually any mall in the Metro Detroit area, then surely you have run in to these complete morons. Now, let me clarify one thing: I know that these kids are “only doing their jobs.” Trust me, I get that. But, you know what, get a new fucking job, dip shit. For those who are confused, I’ll explain:
The “Dead Sea Salt” kiosk is usually located conveniently right in the middle of the damn mall, completely unavoidable. In the particular mall in which I was perusing yesterday, the kiosk is dead set in the middle of an already small walkway. The product is some kind of “miracle” skin exfoliate that my wife will truly love (or so they’ve told me).
The problem with these people is that they are the most aggressive sales people I have ever encountered in my entire life, hands down. I mean, these peeps are seven times more pathetic than those kids who come by sweating in the summer trying to sell you a dollar store candle so that they can support their drug rehab program. The sea salt workers attempt to lure you in with casual rapport: excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question? Then, once you respond to them, you’re fucked. They stampede you like a pack of wildebeest trampling Mufasa after he tried to save Simba in the gorge (yeah, that was a Lion King reference). They rub the exfoliate on your skin, and try to convince you that it’s already making your hand look better; it’s ridiculous.
The kicker: if you ignore them, or refuse to buy their product, they look at you like you’re the asshole. Apparently you’re the one who is interrupting their precious time, and asking them the most annoying questions in the world. Oh, and did I mention that some of the time they’re wearing lab coats? Fucking lab coats! Seriously?
Please, I’m begging: somebody kick over this fucking stand the next time you’re at the mall. Take a picture too; I would love to see it. I hate these idiots.
